Like perfume, baking is another thing that really takes me out of my present state. For a short while, it’s just me, butter, flour, and usually a lot of sugar (chocolate is typically not far off either).
Every year for Christmas I bake the peanut butter Hershey Kiss cookies that my grandma always used to bake for us. It has sort of become a tradition for me since I moved to London: A. because they remind me of my grandma and B. because they are absolutely delicious. They are a cookie with magical powers that allow them to become softer and softer as the days progress.
This year when I was baking them I ran out of Hershey Kisses so grabbed a bar of Green & Blacks from my usual stash, bashed it to bits, and baked those into the cookies instead. Surprisingly, I was quite happy with the results of this substitution, and as I was devouring them, I thought sprinkling a bit of Fleur de Sel salt into the gooey melted chocolate blob would be a devastatingly delicious addition to what was already pretty out of this world.
They are cooling at the moment on my kitchen counter, so I will be making verdict in a short while; however, my hopes are very high!
Growing up, aside from my mom, my grandma was one person in my life that I felt really really close with. She was just such a fantastic human being. A real good egg. She was so down to earth and just so open to the idea of liking people. I mean like actually LIKING people in a very real and honest way, just as she was very real and honest herself. She spent a lot of her life cleaning hospitals, she lived in a trailer, but she always – I mean ALWAYS – wore tons of jewellery. She taught me the importance of wearing wristfuls of bracelets, something all girls should learn! In her off time, she wore caftans and Tabu perfume and had three French poodles – Babby Girl, Cocoa and Pepper. Whenever I would spend the night at her house on weekends she would let me stay up late with her eating Twix bars and watching scary movies. I remember going off to bed so jacked up on sugar and terrified by whatever trashy slasher movie we’d been watching together. She was the bee’s knees to me, and in some ways, she still is.
I appreciate simplicity and honesty in people. Nothing disappoints me more than dilettantism. I admire those who know their strengths and accept their weaknesses. I know there are things which I am pretty crap at, and I accept that about myself and work with what I’ve got to try to improve upon things that I feel I need to. A lot of that stems back to her. She’s probably the coolest person I’ve ever met, and possibly the coolest I ever will; but, I’m so glad that I had the chance to know her.
I felt I really needed to give myself a break today because I’ve been on a pretty intensive job hunt going on like four months now, and I’ve really been pushing myself to not lose momentum or enthusiasm for the whole thing. I really have high hopes that the next role I take will be something that I really pour myself into that will feel more like a career rather than just another job.
On Tuesday I had a spectacularly disastrous interview with this dead-behind-the-eyes “interior designer”, who was probably no more an interior designer than I am an astronaut, and a bulldog with HD eyebrows that left me feeling pretty disheartened and pouting my way through Mayfair. Thankfully, now I can look back on it and laugh in a WOW-did-that-really-happen kind of way, but at the time it knocked the wind out of my sails.
The process of job hunting is one that really does not agree with me on so many levels. I find it very one dimensional, and it just feels so black and white, which naturally does not agree with a colorful character such as myself! 😛 But I get my hopes up more often that I probably should while taking part in an activity typically riddled with all levels of rejection and discouragement.
Interviewing can also be quite difficult for me because I can be quite shy, and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I’m not well versed in bullshit, and the idea of “selling myself” or whatever other kind of Apprentice-esque language that can be attached to interviewing for a job makes my stomach turn.
Having a few days off to regroup and get back at it seems like the perfect idea at the moment, and in the meantime… COOKIES!!
They taste amazing by the way! 😀